Thursday, September 25, 2014

Dud Fudge Invention

I have never quite understood the whole concept of fudge since I already know what I’m going to get in a box of waxy chocolate so why mess with converting it into a BIGGER brick of chocolate cut-down to bite-sized pieces? I mean the stuff sells for $15 per pound or more and all it consists of is chocolate with a few added nuts, a train car of sugar, and some thickened yellowed Yak milk. That already sounds like my typical power lunch except I would eat it for breakfast if the only cooking involved was popping a tart in the toaster.

Typically if I am not speeding fast enough toward Diabetes I eat pralines when I need a sugar n’ nut gut injection, but I did not have a Confederate flag or any pecans in the cupboard and the ones in the restrooms won’t do. I did follow a squirrel around though and managed to dig up enough Walnuts so I could try a simple fudge recipe for fun.  Hey how hard can it be to melt up some choco goo and spread it to the corners of a buttered pan and try not to leave any recognizable fingerprints memorialized on top of the surface.

Sadly this vast candy task is apparently above my pay grade since first, everything is above my pay grade and second my fudge was a dusty dud. I know I put a bundled bag of granulated sugar in the beginning but who knew after ‘watts and watts’ of time wet cooking over a hot stove it would return to its original form except flattened and patted in a pan. Oh sure it tastes like chocolate with an occasional walnut thrown in to keep the vermin interested but who eats fudge harvested out of the business back-end of a vacuum bag?

Betty must be selling a crock because apparently when cooking to ‘soft ball’ stage she doesn’t mean literally cooking the caloric vat to regulation softball skin standards. All I know is now I have a gravel pan of marshmallow laced chocolate brown sugar that looks like something the Easter bunny dug out of the garden or that fat pink Valentine cherub kid found behind his ears. Too bad nobody has invented a sugary powder you can add to milk to make it chocolate flavored … Hmmm - I’m going to look into that!